15 coping techniques

The toolkit: 15 coping skills your child can try

Deep Breathing

This one’s easy to do in the moment and requires little prep. Simply encourage your child to breathe in slowly through their nose, hold their breath for a few counts, and breathe out slowly through their mouth. If they’re younger, you can count with them so the inhale and exhale are the same length (or so the exhale is even a little longer).

Movement

Walking outside can release feel-good chemicals in the brain, even if it’s only for a few minutes. Younger kids could also try a wiggly dance, shaking out their arms and legs. Older kids or teens might like to try an exercise that gets their heart rate up, like jumping jacks.

Music

Listening to music is proven to have natural antidepressant and mood-boosting effects. Your child can choose songs that they like ahead of time, so that in a difficult moment they can just put on their headphones and press "play."

Artistic expression

Angry? Draw a huge dark scribble. Sad? Paint with the saddest colors you can find. You can encourage your kid to get their emotion out through art: drawing, painting, dancing, singing, whatever works for them.

Writing or reading

Writing or reading engages the part of the brain that’s responsible for critical thinking (so, it’ll put the brakes on the emotion centers). Depending on your child’s interests, they can do a puzzle, a game, math homework, or reread their favorite book.

Cold water

This one might sound more out there, but temperature changes can calm your child’s mind and body. They can try placing their hands into a bowl of cold water (only for a few seconds, and only if it’s safe given any medical conditions!), hold an ice cube, or try drinking an ice-cold beverage.

Naming feelings

For younger kids, giving their feelings a name and personality can help them externalize their emotions. So, it’s not them feeling worried, it’s Worried Walter, back again! Then, they can even try talking to these characters like, "It’s okay to go away now Worried Walter, we don’t need you here today."

Handling negative thoughts

For older kids and teens, it can be helpful to 1) write down any negative thoughts, and 2) crumple them up or tear them into tiny pieces and throw them away. As they write down troubling thoughts, help them picture the thought leaving their head, so that when they throw out the paper, they’re releasing the thought.

Visualization

Visualization practices (where your child uses their imagination to picture a scene) can work two ways: 1) They can practice visualizing distressing thoughts or worries leaving their brain and floating away, or 2) They can visualize being in a calming comforting space of their choosing.

Taking space

Alone time can help kids of all ages self-soothe. Temper tantrums are often partly about seeking feedback, so having no audience can lead to a quieter and more reflective time for kids.

Gratitude

If your child is feeling really sad or worried, you can encourage them to reflect on a few things they’re grateful for. You can explain that trying this doesn’t mean the sadness isn’t real, it just means there are also a few good things to notice.

Mindfulness meditation

This one might be most helpful for older kids or teens. For this meditation, they can sit with their eyes closed and try to pay attention to their breaths. They can pay attention to how their body feels. You can encourage them to try to focus on what’s happening "right now" rather than being upset about the past or worrying about the future.

Body scan

Starting at the top of their head, your child can imagine a calming light filling the body and moving down from their head to their toes. As this imaginary light moves, they can try to relax each muscle the light touches. (This one can be especially helpful for sleep.)

Stress press or fidget toy

Having something to keep your child’s hands busy can help them feel less overwhelmed. You can try out a stress press, putty, plush ball, or fidget toy. Place it in a spot that’s easy for them to access, so they can grab it when they need it most.

Brainstorming solutions

For older kids or teens who are upset about a specific situation or worried about the future, you can take a more cognitive approach: help them brainstorm some solutions or make pro/con lists. It’s important that you partner with them, but don’t create these lists for them.

As your child tries skills from this list, they’ll probably hone in on two or three that tend to really work. Encourage your child to use those "go-to" coping skills over time, and remind them that the more they practice, the more natural it’ll become. (If you ever want a refresher, check out Dr. Chaudhary’s crash course on coping skills.)